Why Conflict Avoidance Is Not Healthy, Says a Therapist

Therapy and anxiety-management techniques might also help you cope during conflict. A person suspected of having avoidant personality disorder may lack insight into their behaviors and thought patterns. So, mental health professionals often work with the person’s family and friends to collect more information about their behaviors and history. Successful treatment can help to reduce symptoms and increase the range of coping strategies that the person can use to manage their anxiety. A person with avoidant personality disorder will probably always be somewhat shy, but avoidance won’t dominate their thoughts.

• While it’s OK to never be completely comfortable with confrontation, being able to resolve issues effectively means accepting it as a healthy part of communicating with others.
• If this is a chronic occurrence, your friend — or you — may actually be conflict-avoidant, a psychological designation for people who strive to get away from fights of any kind at all costs.
• Personality disorders, including avoidant personality disorder, can be difficult to diagnose.
• After avoiding the situation, the person feels temporary relief, which reinforces the idea that avoidance is helpful.
• However, with treatment, you can learn to cope with these triggers.
• Rather, we continue to feel stressed about it until it gets done.
• This blog post will explore what conflict avoidance is, why you do it, and the consequences of doing so.

Take Small Steps

Understanding the various types of conflict and their psychological underpinnings is crucial for developing healthier approaches to disagreement and discord. Assertiveness training and communication skills development are crucial tools in the conflict avoider’s toolkit. Learning how to express our needs, opinions, and boundaries clearly and respectfully can make confrontations feel less daunting. Techniques like “I” statements, active listening, and constructive feedback can transform the way we approach difficult conversations.

• Being assertive is not part of our set of cultural weapons, but it damn well should be.
• Make note of these and try to actively notice when you are avoiding something in the future.
• Conflict avoidance is not about evading or sidestepping uncomfortable discussions; rather, it is about fostering a culture of respect, understanding, and proactive communication.
• However, that does not mean that it needs to remain your main mode for handling stress.
• We found that studies disproportionately focused on causes of conflict, with that discrepancy increasing through our study period.
• Second, a partner who is egocentric may wish to dodge a person’s disapproval; he or she hides selfish acts and avoids conversations focused on issues in the relationship.

Avoidant Personality Disorder: Symptoms and Treatment

Conflict avoidance on both sides could lead your work relationship to grow uncomfortable and distant. By contrast, taking the coworker aside to discuss what happened and apologize would likely repair the relationship and set up productive future interactions. The first step in overcoming avoidance behavior is identifying what triggers it. Triggers are specific people, places, or situations that cause a spike in anxiety. Common triggers might include public speaking, social gatherings, performance evaluations, or making important decisions. When people engage in avoidance behavior, they often feel a brief relief from anxiety.

Conditions

• Open communication entails fostering an atmosphere where people feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment.
• If something that we have to do stressing us out, we might avoid doing it or even try to stop thinking about it.
• Although avoidance is a common feature of PTSD, it’s also present in a lot of other anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), phobias, and more.
• Rome wasn’t built in a day, and overcoming your learned survival patterns is unlikely to be a quick process, either.
• You could even ask if your partner would consider inviting you to the events they are going to.

Tensions may rise because the partner dismisses and ignores a person’s opinions and feelings if they differ. A power struggle may ensue and often the dogmatic partner frequently resorts to unscrupulous means to “win.” The person on the opposite end tends to feel disrespected and demeaned. He or she is usually left with two choices; to surrender or counter in an how to deal with someone who avoids conflict equally ugly manner.

• They explain, “talking about your fear in the safety of Imago Dialogue paradoxically closes the exit of avoidance” (Hendrix & Hunt, 1988).
• You prefer to be seen as the “nice person” at work, for example, or may shy away from open, healthy conflict so as not to rock the boat.
• “You might fill your mind with distracting fantasies or daydreams or repeat mental rituals, such as saying certain good luck phrases over and over in your mind.
• Children who grow up in households where disagreements are handled with shouting matches or cold silences may learn that conflict is something to be feared or avoided at all costs.
• “Cultivating an overall feeling of numbness can serve the same purpose.

This might look like suddenly remembering an urgent task that needs attention or developing a sudden interest in something completely unrelated to the conversation at hand. Leaving conflicts unresolved leads to pent-up frustration and a greater sense of loneliness that can build up over time. Being aware of how your emotions impact you can help you gain a greater understanding of yourself and others. Before confronting someone, try examining and questioning your feelings. Laughing nervously or plastering a fake smile on our face instead of acknowledging distressing emotions can also lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. You prefer to be seen as the “nice person” at work, for example, or may shy away from open, healthy conflict so as not to rock the boat.

Diagnosis of Avoidant Personality Disorder

There are times when you avoid people, places, or things because you know already know how the situation will turn out (and it’s not good). Psychodynamic therapy delves into unconscious thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, employing techniques such as dream interpretation and exploring defense mechanisms, fostering self-discovery and healing. One of the most obvious signs is a tendency to change the subject or physically leave when difficult topics arise.

When they do, it is often for a specific life problem they are experiencing or other types of symptoms such as depression and anxiety, and they will usually discontinue treatment if that problem is resolved. Some people with avoidant personality disorder want to form relationships with others, but they find them very difficult to maintain. Some research suggests that people with the condition long for connection but fear and dread getting close. It can be damaging to the connection of a relationship if it is left unaddressed. By being aware of the signs of conflict avoidance and using these tips for dealing with conflict healthily, you can start to have healthier and more productive conversations with your partner. Fear of confrontation and rejection is another powerful driver of conflict avoidance.

Disagreeing with someone doesn’t necessarily mean “fighting.” Keep in mind that it’s not about blaming the other person or proving who’s right and wrong in a given situation. While avoidance sometimes seems like the best way to deal with conflict, in the long run it ends up harming our intimacy. People who respond to conflict this way often expect negative outcomes and find it difficult to trust the other person’s reaction. A trusted friend or counselor might help you view the conflict more fully and determine the best way to manage it.